


stay in the line, dandelion.

by phanstarlight



Series: wanna one ficlets ✰ [3]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M, Misunderstandings, Slow Burn, jinyoung is the best bff, other members also appear, woojin is also helpful bff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 09:40:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanstarlight/pseuds/phanstarlight
Summary: everything had been going so well before, he thought to himself.how did everything fuck up so bad?↳ guanlin, daehwi, and their story together.





	stay in the line, dandelion.

**Author's Note:**

> this was only meant to be a 2000-3000 word drabble but :-) pain
> 
> the title is from chance the rapper's "same drugs" ^^

the time was 2:05am. small and barely coherent sniffles could be heard from the wanna one dormitory. there were only two people in the dorms and if the other person heard, they didn't show any signs of coming in to check on them. of course though...why would they?

the source of the sobbing (now revealed to be one of the younger members) lifted his head from the pillow he had been crying into, only to begin the flow of tears again and force his head back into the pillow.

everything had been going so well before, he thought to himself.

how did everything fuck up so bad?

☼☼☼

the fans had already decided on the popular 'pairings' and friendships within the group before they even came to debut, to the members' amusement. daniel and seongwoo had practically cheered the house down after learning their friendship was skyrocketing with wannables. pairings like minhyun and seongwoo, jinyoung and daehwi, and jihoon and woojin had also become pretty popular.

that was why it felt sort of weird when daehwi had realised his friendship with guanlin had gone under the radar.

the two of them didn't interact often on stage or at fanmeetings, but at the dorms the two of them spent their time chatting away (switching between korean and english) whilst time passed them by. jinyoung had even joked that daehwi was abandoning their best friendship for his newly found connection with guanlin. with all of the similarities they shared and the constant conversations outside of their schedules, it was extremely odd to find that wannables had overlooked their bond. though, in saying that, the both of them were able to joke about how 'taboo' their friendship felt now that guanlin was meant to be with jihoon, and daehwi with jinyoung.

off camera, the maknaes would end up texting until they both fell asleep (which was often quickly, with all the schedules they had) or sleep beside each other when insecurities take over; guanlin and daehwi had become in tune with one another overtime. it was natural for them both and, soon enough, all of the other members too.

if guanlin couldn't get to sleep, daehwi would lie beside him, humming a soft tune to lure the youngest into the land of dreams. if daehwi couldn't sleep, guanlin would lie next to him describing his day (the ups and the downs) until they were both drowsy. it wasn't as if they were together all the time, but the times they were, both of them worked together like clockwork. daehwi hated peanuts, guanlin would purposely buy food without the dreaded things (despite sungwoon's protest of how they were "high in fibre!") guanlin would write back home, daehwi would try to remember everything that they'd done (in terms of wanna one activities) so guanlin wouldn't forget to include anything.

they had a rhythm going on and it worked.

☼☼☼

as they did the jacket shooting for 'nothing without you' , daehwi stood absentmindedly around, already having taken his photos. he hadn't really been listening or watching the others but he assumed that they were doing daniel's photos at the moment, judging by the infatuated looks of the staff members.

"hey!" guanlin called, making his way over to daehwi. the latter returned his smile, mood suddenly elevating.

"how were your photos?" daehwi asked, receiving a look of confusion from the taiwanese boy.

"mine haven't been taken yet," his eyes drifted to daniel who was the current center of attention for the photographer, "i think i'm last."

"oh, really?"

"i think so," he stated with a pout, "even though i just want to sleep..." daehwi snorted as he lightly hit the youngest on his arm.

"you have to stay awake!" he stuck his tongue out playfully, making guanlin laugh in his usual loud (but still adorable) way. in between laughs, he mentioned that he'd attempt to stay up but daehwi couldn't hear over the sounds of the photographer calling guanlin over for his shoot.

"ah, i have to go," the youngest began padding over, but not before he playfully said, "you should stay awake too lee daehwi!"

"i make no promises!"

guanlin had officially gone to have his photos taken, so daehwi was left alone. he was about to whip his phone out but was immediately brought out of his thoughts by a sudden voice at his ear.

"you two really get on well!" daehwi almost screamed (but he'd never admit it) at the voice. turning around, he instinctly delivered a hit, softer than he would've liked it, at the person.

"ouch! what the fuck!"

"jihoon hyung, never sneak up on me again, you asshole!" the last part was mumbled so only jihoon could hear, for the staff still assumed daehwi was an angel incapable of being mean to anyone who wasn't woojin or jaehwan.

"well sorry," jihoon wasn't sorry in the least, "i just wanted to say hi to my favourite member."

both boys looked at each other briefly, before bursting into laughter. behind the camera, jihoon and daehwi's friendship thrived off of the both of them mocking each other (light-heartedly) and that was something they both loved. after the laughter died down, jihoon began to speak again.

"really though, you and guanlin are really close."

"is it obvious?"

"to us, yeah." jihoon chuckled to himself. the other boy didn't think too much of it because it went without saying that they were close; guanlin was a friend that daehwi couldn't imagine not speaking to everyday.

their conversation faded as both observed guanlin getting his photos taken. the youngest, to daehwi's surprise, was a natural model; he looked amazing in what he was wearing and knew exactly what look to give the camera to make the staff swoon. as he posed even more, daehwi felt proud of his beloved friend. his smile grew.

the sentimental thoughts were short lived as jihoon began laughing to himself. the grin on his face was indecipherable (pissing off daehwi somewhat) as he patted the younger on the shoulder.

"wh-"

"shhh ~" jihoon whispered, continuing to pat daehwi on the shoulder, "i get it now."

"...i don't get you."

guanlin had finally finished his photoshoot and daehwi was already making a beeline for said boy. he hadn't thought anything of jihoon's words, not understanding what he was on about, and couldn't be bothered to even try and figure it out.

unbeknownst to daehwi, jihoon had been watching him throughout guanlin's photoshoot. indecipherable grin back, jihoon mumbled, yet again, to no one in particular,

"i get it now."

☼☼☼

a few days later, daehwi had already forgotten about what jihoon had said.

here they both were lying in guanlin's zero base room, legs tangled and large blanket draped over them. the camera wasn't on them so things like this remained their own little secret.

away from everyone else, the maknaes shared earphones as they listened to music together. guanlin shifted closer to daehwi, leaning on his shoulder as if it was the most normal thing ever. the other leaned into guanlin more, feeling more comfortable as the music changed tone.

_❨where did you go?_  
_why would you stay?_  
_you must have lost your marbles_  
_you always were so forgetful...❩_

"you smell like strawberries." guanlin mused to himself, making himself more comfortable on daehwi's shoulder. the other hummed to himself, welcoming the comfort that came from guanlin (plus, his sudden comments.)

"i used strawberry shampoo."

"it shows...~"

both exchanged low laughs as their legs became more entangled.

"you're so warm linnie..." the blanket wasn't usually this warm when he was alone, daehwi knew that already.

guanlin put his arm around the other boy, engulfing him in even more warmth, much to his delight. both were now pratically huddled together and unaware of anything around them. even the loud sounds of seongwoo screaming from outside didn't disrupt the maknaes lost in their own little world.

_❨don't forget the happy thoughts_  
_all you need is happy thoughts_  
_the past tense, past bed time_  
_way back then when everything we read was real_  
_and everything we said rhymed...❩_

"is it bad that i'm already tired?" daehwi mused, biting back a yawn. the youngest paused the music momentarily to answer.

"not really, i'm tired too."

"...should we nap then?"

"that sounds good!" before daehwi knew it, guanlin had already abandoned his phone and laid down to sleep. he stifled a laugh before joining guanlin in his attempt at napping; if the camera fell on them then at least they wouldn't have to do anything.

"g'night daehwi ~"

"night linnie..."

they napped for 6 hours (6 hours, 12 minutes to be precise) though, somewhere around the 3rd hour, daehwi found his arms slinking around guanlin's chest, smiling to himself as he dreamt away.

☼☼☼

it was only a matter of time, then, when daehwi suddenly began feeling weird.

they'd already attended so many fanmeets since their debut and this one was no different; all of them loved meeting their loyal fans, to the point that sometimes... the bags under their eyes felt worth it. all of them were so different as well: people from outside of asia came to meet them, kids who were bunking school (who, of course, got profusely scolded by minhyun), boys who had only just gotten into the kpop scene, and girls who particularly wanted to get a closer look at their faces just to make sure that they were truly real.

they had met at least 3/4 of the fans there so far, with daehwi's elation rising with every person he met. if asked though, it was around this time in which he started feeling that weirdness.

he was busy signing for a young girl when the crowd suddenly started cheering and becoming rowdier than before; even the girl he was signing for had taken her eyes off of daehwi to watch his fellow members.

it wasn't anything special, daehwi had thought, seeing that all everyone was hyped up about was jihoon and guanlin making a heart together. honestly, the amount of photos he'd seen of those two making the exact same heart every fansign had taken away his ability to fake cheer for them.

this time though, something felt slightly off.

the hearts were the usual, but he watched as both boys shared a look with each other. jihoon's back was facing him however, he could see guanlin clearly and...it was odd. the maknae was giving jihoon a look full of warmth and perhaps even affection (what kind? he just wasn't sure.) though they hadn't been together for a long time, daehwi was certain that he'd never seen guanlin pull a face like that.

"wah...the oppas are so cute together!" the young fan whispered to herself, clapping her hands cutely when the duo began laughing along with each other.

it made daehwi's heart hurt a bit.

weird.

"...i've signed your album."

attention was back on him again as the girl thanked him for his signature and congratulated him on doing so well.

"you look weird oppa, is everything ok?"

"mhm, i'm fine!" the staff began trying to move everyone along, leaving daehwi alone once again.

the fan had mentioned him looking sick, maybe that's what this was.

his heart ached.

yeah, he was definitely ill.

☼☼☼

their managers had deduced that daehwi was healthy and that there wasn't a medical reason for his heart to hurt, making him feel somewhat reassured.

it had been a few days though, and yet his heart would still have that painful pang for no reason.

the next time, it had happened after they returned to dorm from one of their concerts. all of them were tired as fuck and ready to pass out at any given moment; minhyun and daniel were both struggling together to keep jinyoung awake and standing. todays concert had been even more tiring than usual, with daehwi wanting nothing more than to collapse on his bed and vent to someone. for that reason, he went to check on guanlin; he would always be there to let him vent out his feelings. as usual, he prepared to ask guanlin if sleeping next to him tonight was an option.

daehwi quickly discovered that it was not.

said boy peered around the door of the biggest room to find guanlin chatting animatedly to a fatigued jihoon, both sitting in the same bed. daehwi tried to call out to him but he was so focused on whatever he was telling to jihoon that guanlin ended up not hearing him (or, perhaps, ignoring him.) as if he had never been there in the first place, daehwi turnt around and plodded off to his room where sungwoon and jinyoung were already down for the count.

"i'm turning off the lights! sleep well!" jisung called out, before the dorm was engulfed in darkness.

daehwi tried to sleep, he really did, but instead he spent the entire night laying asleep, eyes fixated on the ceiling. that pain in his heart had returned full force once again.

the exception this time being that for some reason, tears were threatening to spill.

☼☼☼

"i think something's wrong with me."

a beat of silence.

"i already know that."

really, jinyoung should've expected it when daehwi hit him full force with his pillow.

all daehwi wanted was to get across to someone about this sudden pain in his heart and how it seemed to be getting worse. it came randomly: during filming for zero base

(daehwi had woken up to see everyone playing some kind of game and sungwoon was screaming and guanlin was holding jihoon's hand and he thinks woojin was on the floor but he couldn't focus properly because the hurt had returned)

during fansigns,

(doing hearts with jinyoung was almost second nature to him now but hearing the screams for seongwoo and daniel, and minhyun and jaehwan, and jihoon and guanlin, just made him feel resentful and suddenly he wanted to cry but he couldn't, not here)

and even backstage

(they had all talked about their favourite members on stage and he had said woojin or guanlin, woojin had said jihoon, daniel had said sungwoon, minhyun had said jisung, guanlin had said jihoon, jihoon had said guanlin, sungwoon had said jaehwan...

coming off stage, his heart kept panging like he had been shot and it hurt and it kept hurting and-)

jinyoung was his best friend so going to him for help was his best option. surely, he would know exactly what was going on with him! jinyoung was smart like that.

"seriously, i feel all fucked up and i don't know why!" daehwi lowered his head into his hands, making a small sound of distress.

"considering the fact you just _hit_  me hwi," jinyoung spat, voice laced with fake anger and dramatic effect, "you're definitely fucked up in the head."

the sound of distress got even louder, and all he wanted was an answer. he stayed like that, head muffled in his hands, for a while before the mock anger in jinyoung's voice became swarmed in genuine concern.

"hey, hwi?" a light touch on his shoulder, "i was joking, lift your head up?" daehwi did just that.

"...what do i do, hyung?"

jinyoung sighed, keeping his hand firmly on the younger's shoulder.

"when do you usually start getting the pain?"

"i don't know, randomly?" it wasn't a lie; if there was a pattern with all of these incidents, daehwi had yet to notice any of it. all he knew was that they hadn't occured before and that it probably didn't have anything to do with his physical state.

"you really have no idea?"

"no..." the older boy removed his hand from daehwi's shoulder, clasping his hands together. in any other situation, daehwi would've pointed the odd mannerism as jinyoung's 'thinking action' but it just didn't seem appropriate. not when he seemed so concerned. he was quiet for a bit before taking in a deep intake of breath.

"i don't know hwi," jinyoung stated, voice quieter and softer than it normally was, "i don't know how to help..."

"it's ok," daehwi began to get up from beside jinyoung, "neither do i."

before he could leave the room, he was stopped briefly by jinyoung's voice.

"daehwi."

"mhm?"

a pause.

"i'll always look out for you."

"...i know that, hyung."

and with that, daehwi left the room, going off to chat to sungwoon about whatever.

☼☼☼

true to his word, jinyoung did look out for daehwi whenever he could.

backstage at one of their many concerts, that ever-growing ache had made itself present again, making daehwi have to violently blink back tears again. none of the other members had realised, which he was thankful for, but it wouldn't last, especially not when he was crouched down on the floor, breath erratic and vision hazy.

"-hwi... daehwi... _DAEHWI_!"

daehwi's eyes now settled on jinyoung crouching in front of him; he'd never seen the '00 liner so worried since jihoon had voiced his worries about himself that one time.

"i-" the words weren't coming out. instead, his eyes began to fill with tears that wouldn't stop. it was almost comical, the pure switch from worry to utter panic on jinyoung's face as he immediately led the other boy up and out of sight from the other members.

"hey, where are you two off to?" that was daniel's voice, he thinks.

"we'll be back in a minute hyung!" jinyoung called, before pratically pulling daehwi off to the bathrooms without another word.

when they got in the bathroom, jinyoung simply wiped daehwi's tearstained cheeks. he didn't pry, nor did he demand answers; that was what daehwi loved about his best friend. this action continued for perhaps a minute or so before daehwi knew he had to say something.

"it hurts hyung," he mumbled, voice cracking slightly, "it hurts so bad and i don't know why."

he watched as the other boy struggled to find the words to comfort him, though he couldn't blame him. instead, jinyoung pulled the younger into a hug, whispering a small "it won't stay like this."

as they stayed like that, the bathroom door suddenly opened to reveal a concerned minhyun, woojin and guanlin.

"you guys have been-" minhyun stopped himself, looking back and forth between the two of them, "...is something wrong?"

"no, everything's fine," daehwi stated, getting up, "right, jinyoungie?"

"...yeah."

that was it, no further questions were asked. for the remainder of their time backstage, daehwi plastered on a fake smile as he watched jaehwan and minhyun practising together, jihoon and guanlin messing around with the camera, and jisung fussing over woojin's make-up. another pang came, strong and painful, as usual.

...it wouldn't always be like this, right?

☼☼☼

they were back at the dorms; daehwi was busying himself by listening to music alone. his music was loud, but not loud enough apparently.

"daehwi!"

guanlin suddenly appeared at the door, awkward smile as he joined daehwi on his bed. it felt sort of odd, he mused to himself, but guanlin seemed off? daehwi couldn't exactly explain how or why...but something about his attitude was different. call it a premonition of some sort.

"do you want to watch a movie together?" the sudden ask caught daehwi off guard, prompting guanlin to chuckle, "i found something i thought you'd like!"

a warmth made itself present in daehwi's chest, a nice contrast to the usual pain.

"what movie is it?" daehwi sat up, switching his music off. a quick phone check, and guanlin responded with "i think it's called moana."

with a hum of approval from daehwi, the maknae prepared to put on the movie. as he did so, he rambled about how he 'never sees daehwi anymore' and how they 'really need to start talking more.' in saying this, guanlin unconsciously put his arm around daehwi as his rambles continued; truly though, he had stopped listening after that. the older of the two was more focused on the newfound comfort from the other; it was a comfort that only guanlin could provide, and one that he never wanted to leave behind.

the movie was about to boot up, everything was going all and truly well. guanlin was beside him, the pain wasn't there and maybe this is how it's supposed to be-

"guanlin, hyung needs your help!"

he spoke too soon.

jihoon bounded in, covered in what looked to be masking tape(?) and in clear distress. if it wasn't for the current circumstance, daehwi would've laughed at him.

almost immediately, guanlin got up from beside daehwi, abandoning his phone (and the other boy) without a second thought. jihoon began recalling how he became covered head to toe in masking tape as him and guanlin left the room. daehwi didn't know what he expected when the younger left without acknowledging him but, out of everything, he didn't expect the sudden burn to reappear yet again.

he was all alone.

just him and the pain in his heart.

the sound of the movie resonated through the dorm room, not being paused. tears began to form in daehwi's eyes.

he just wanted to sleep, suddenly.

☼☼☼

_wanna one squad™ [3:07pm]_

**jaehwan** : waddup kidz™  
**jaehwan** : howre we all doin on this  
**jaehwan** : fine day

 **jihoon** : why are u like this?

 **minhyun** : I wish we knew Jihoon  
**minhyun** : I wish we knew.

 **guanlin** : lol

 **jaehwan** : :-(  
**jaehwan** : i just wanted 2 see if any of yall qant to play that game

 **daniel** : the try not to laugh game??

 **jaehwan** : ye!

 **daniel** : IM IN

 **jihoon** : sure  
**jihoon** : woojin is gonna win anyway lmao

 **seongwoo** : IM FREE  
**seongwoo** : also stfu im gonna win

 **jaehwan** : ill just assume all of uall are in then ;p

 **sungwoon** : daehwis asleep  
**sungwoon** : but ya the rest of us r in bois

 **woojin** : daehwi's asleep?

 **minhyun** : At this time?  
**minhyun** : Wow.

 **jinyoung** : what  
**jinyoung** : what about daehwi

 **jihoon** : wake him up  
**jihoon** : he isnt getting out of quality family time

 **sungwoon** : he says he doesnt want too  
**sungwoon** : ungrateful child

 **guanlin** : oh

 **daniel** : hm  
**daniel** : tbh hes been rlly off lately  
**daniel** : is he ok?

 **minhyun** : I doubt it, though I don't know what's going on.

 **jisung** : Oh  
**jisung** : I wondered when we were gonna talk abt this  
**jisung** : I'm worried too ==''

 **woojin** : whats going on

 **jisung** : I don't know  
**jisung** : He just seems more  
**jisung** : Withdrawn?

 **jihoon** : hm

 **woojin** :  
**woojin** : oh

 **jaehwan** : i think were all worried abt him  
**jaehwan** : wat good teamwork we have

 **jinyoung** : guys, daehwi is fine  
**jinyoung** : he's just tired with schedules and shit

 **jisung** : LANGUAGE

 **jihoon** : how do you know _@jinyoung_

 **jinyoung** : because he's told me?

 **daniel** : ohhhh  
**daniel** : well just let him rest then!

 **guanlin** : you rlly know him well jinyoung hyung

 **woojin** :  
**woojin** : ok  
**woojin** : if youre so sure  
**woojin** : i guess we should play w/o him

 **jisung** : Ok ^^

 **sungwoon** : more chance for a park woojin to win

 **seongwoo** : I EXIST TOO

 **jihoon** : unfortunately. yes.

 **minhyun** : Jihoon aenfpfhgspwbfhfowpd

 **jinyoung** : why do u laugh like that????

 **jaehwan** : omg just type lol plz minhyun hyung

 **minhyun** : Come for me again and I'll end your damn career.

 **jaehwan** :  
**jaehwan** : lets play...!

 **jihoon** : lmao  
**jihoon** : lets go

☼☼☼

daehwi had checked over the group chat when he woke up and was more than thankful for jinyoung's attempt at sticking up for him. seeing the other members worry about him though...he felt awful. how was he letting everyone worry so much about what was wrong with him when he didn't even know himself?

he felt selfish.

it was midnight now; all of the other members seemed to be, just like daehwi, trying to sleep in their own rooms at the base. he had missed out on the majority of them all playing throughout the day (it felt wrong to try and act happier around them) and had instead stayed in his room, listening to music and looking at his fansites (though, you didn't hear it from him.)

daehwi could only lay there, motionless and staring at the pitch blackness. the only thing audible to him at the moment was the loud thumping of his heartbeat, mixed with his quiet breaths.

as if on cue, the sudden sound of footsteps brought daehwi out of his thoughts. he didn't dare move to see who was walking around the base at this time, but he couldn't help but feel curious; it was only after the footsteps began getting noisier, daehwi realised this person was coming to _his_  room.

daehwi's heart began racing even quicker.

the person had stopped outside of his room, seeming to debate whether or not to actually come in; daehwi refused to move or give any indication that he was awake. whether or not the person assumed him asleep though, they had finally decided to come in.

they crouched down in front of him.

"...daehwi?" shit, it was woojin. daehwi knew the other boy well enough to know how his voice changed with his mood (whether he made it obvious or not) and he was certain the look on woojin's face was pure fret. out of guilt, or perhaps another feeling he'd been repressing, daehwi chose to play asleep. he wasn't sure what he expected: maybe woojin would give up and leave him be?

of course, with all the time he'd known woojin, this wasn't the case.

rather than try to 'wake' daehwi up, woojin had pondered for a moment before speaking his mind anyway. it didn't matter whether daehwi would hear it or not, he just needed to get his thoughts across.

"hey..." he started, as sheepish as ever, "i don't know if you're listening but who cares, am i right?" woojin laughed to himself, but not in the usual 'i'm so hilarious' way, rather in that 'i'm laughing to ignore how awful i feel' way; his voice had cracked mid laugh and all daehwi wanted to do was curl in on himself for making woojin feel so bad.

"you're going through a lot, right hwi?" he'd suddenly asked, lowering his voice, "i wish you'd talk to me more."

another pause.

"at least you're talking to jinyoung?" a bitter chuckle escaped him, "i guess that's how it is now..." he didn't know what woojin meant by that, but dwelling on it would make him feel sicker. woojin's offhanded comment was pushed to the back of his mind as the other boy began talking again.

"i just wish you'd remember that i'm here for you too," woojin took a sharp intake of breath, "no matter what it is, i'll always listen to you."

if daehwi didn't know him any better, he would say woojin had waited for a few seconds, seeing if daehwi would 'wake up' or respond at all, breath baited.

"...you mean the world to me, lee daehwi," he whispered, stability in his voice betraying him, "don't keep it all in, please." with that, woojin left almost as quickly (and ominously?) as he came. total silence washed over the base yet again.

total silence though, if anyone had been listening carefully, maybe they would've heard the quiet sobs coming from daehwi's room.

☼☼☼

things could only get worse, as daehwi soon learnt.

his time with guanlin decreased significantly after the movie incident, with the taiwanese boy opting to spend time with only jihoon. he never had any time to be with daehwi like he used to, nor did daehwi have the time or the will to disturb his time with the others just to ask him to hang out.

he never had any time for daehwi anymore.

rather, he had just become an afterthought to him.

thinking like that made daehwi feel sick, especially since he'd always valued their friendship highly. guanlin, who would recommend songs to daehwi all the time. guanlin, who would remember exactly what foods daehwi loved and loathed. guanlin, who would chat away to stop daehwi thinking more deeply about anything he didn't need to. guanlin, who would always hype up daehwi without fail.

and now guanlin, who would do all of these things for jihoon, ignoring daehwi.

daehwi recalled overhearing in the car a conversation between guanlin and jihoon, in which guanlin began recommending jihoon a song that daehwi knew a bit too well.

"oh, this song sounds cool," jihoon had piped up, trying to talk over all the other members rowdiness, "what is it called?"

"same drugs by chance the rapper!" guanlin chirped, "it means a lot to me."

jihoon had leant his head onto guanlin's shoulder, bobbing his head along to the tune.

"well, i like it," he'd hummed, "promise you'll tell me what he's saying though?"

guanlin's usual cute dolphin laugh resonated in the car as he stated, "anything for you jihoon hyung!"

there was also the time that he couldn't fall asleep at all, the other members voicing their concerns to him before hand.

"you look like shit daehwi," jaehwan had put it, as nicely as he could, "go to sleep."

"i doubt i'll be able too."

when he'd said this, he looked over and guanlin briefly to gage his reaction and he swore they had locked eyes. even if it was just for a second, daehwi was now certain that guanlin had heard. maybe this was their chance to go back to normal?

of course, it wasn't. guanlin didn't come to his room and daehwi was left staring into the nothingness for ages until his roommates sungwoon and jinyoung had made themselves present. daehwi was thankful that the both of them tried to lure him into sleep, and even more thankful that none of them brought up the blaring question on their minds.

why didn't guanlin show up?

these events stuck out in daehwi's mind for the reason that the pain had never been more awful in both situations. he didn't tell anyone else about this (though, to be fair, jinyoung was the only one who knew something was actually up) and instead went on suffering alone.

from this, he'd gathered the obvious: whatever he was feeling, whatever was going on with him... had something to do with guanlin. what? he wasn't quite sure. it wasn't as if he didn't like guanlin; in fact, it was quite the opposite, having him essentially gone from his conversations felt almost as lonely (for lack of better word) than the time woojin had had to leave pd101 because of his shingles. it just wasn't the same.

if only he could figure out what was truly going on with him and how it all involved guanlin.

more than anything, all daehwi wanted was for that god awful pang to stop.

☼☼☼

"hey," jinyoung plops down on the seat beside him, unprompted, "is it getting any better?"

'it' being the pain...right.

"no," daehwi's lips trembled at jinyoung's worried face, "but i think it has something to do with guanlin."

daehwi wasn't sure what to call jinyoung's expression after he said that; jinyoung wasn't the most emotive person (that title was solely for jisung) but his expression was nothing short of unreadable.

jinyoung pursed his lips before his voice dropped to a low volume, "...what do you mean by that?"

"i don't know," daehwi had stated, having to continue because he needed to understand, desperately, "i only get the pain when i see guanlin."

"you like guanlin, right?" daehwi chuckled softly at jinyoung's question.

"of course i do, he's one my closest friends in this group!" the thought of him hating guanlin, or even disliking him, was stupid to him. jinyoung seemed to take this on boads as he thought about his next question.

"has there been a specific time that you've..." he gestured towards daehwi's heart, "been in pain?"

daehwi contemplated for a moment, "i guess there was that one time we were supposed to watch a movie together..."

"what happened?"

"jihoon needed his help with something so he left," without realising it, daehwi's voice had quietened, "we never got to watch the movie."

"go on." being gestured to tell more, daehwi continued.

"the other day, guanlin was showing jihoon a song that we used to listen to all the time..." a beat of silence, "maybe it's because i considered it _our song_  or something..."

"your song?"

"yeah, like how our song is party in the u.s.a!" jinyoung snorted at that.

"i do love old style miley cyrus," the light atmosphere was temporary though, as he added, "keep talking."

"um...the times when the fans hype up him and jihoon make the whole thing happen."

he was shot a confused look from jinyoung.

"when they have to do the hearts, you know..." daehwi demonstrated by himself, burying his head in his hands afterwards.

"i get what you mean now, don't worry."

as daehwi continued to list off the events where the pain came back, jinyoung nodded along to all of them, taking it all in.

"...also the time when he didn't show up to help me sleep-"

"ah, i remember that!" jinyoung added, head bobbing back and forth vigorously.

"mhm," the memory, for some reason, was more bitter than all the others, "he didn't have to show up and all, but i'm so used to him always being there to try and help me..."

there was an uncomfortable silence between the two of them, daehwi not knowing how to keep on talking and jinyoung being hesitant to voice what he thought (or, really, knew) what was going on.

breaking the silence first, jinyoung questioned the other boy.

"what is guanlin to you?"

if the last question had caught daehwi off guard than this one had practically floored him. his look of utter bewilderment didn't go unnoticed by the older boy who could only gesture for him to answer, partially fearing the response he would receive.

"well," he started, feeling somewhat uneasy, "guanlin is a precious friend who i don't think i could live without."

"mhm."

"he's funny, caring, always there for me, has the cutest laugh i've ever heard..." a pause to think, "he's a hardworking friend that i never want to be without."

jinyoung looked up at him, that indecipherable expression returning as he almost inaudibly mumbled, "...so that's how it is."

"hm?"

daehwi wasn't sure how to feel looking at jinyoung; the other boy looked like he wanted to speak, say something but there was clearly something holding him back. he'd never seen jinyoung like this, making his anxiousness grow. finally, after what seemed like forever in daehwi's mind, jinyoung began to talk again.

"hwi," his hand rested on daehwi's shoulder, nervousness written all over his face, "have you ever had a crush on anyone before?"

well, that wasn't the question he was expecting. thinking about it though, he'd liked a few people in the past: there was jinmyung from his preschool class who had spilt her milk all over him, making him realise that maybe, she was not the one for him. there was hyerin from his old neighborhood with the pretty pink ribbons and the perky voice, but she had joined in with the teasing, making daehwi hate her with a passion. he also recalled jessica, a classmate of his back in america, who had made his heart flutter after she accidentally threw a rubber at him; the flutter had gone almost immediately after the twenty-third time that she'd forgotten his name on purpose (because really, did he look like a _ben?_ )

"there's been a few, why?"

"how did you know you liked them?"

the questioning to daehwi seemed completely off topic from the guanlin situation but if jinyoung was so adamant in asking, he had no choice but to answer.

"my heart does the fluttery thing," he added some kind of hand motion to show the fluttering, "i get butterflies and can't stop smiling when they talk to me."

jinyoung nodded before asking, "how did you feel when they weren't talking to you then?"

"...like, to someone else?"

"let's say they were flirting with someone else," he asked, clearly eager to hear his answer, "how would you feel?"

he thought about it, how would he feel?

whilst his first two examples couldn't act as help, daehwi could remember the times that jessica had batted her eyelashes at several other classmates, remembering their names in a flash. thinking about it made him feel sick, every time he'd been ignored by her hurt a lot. the fluttering had been replaced with a sharp pain and the feeling of dread that left a bitter taste in his mouth.

it felt weird that he could still recall the feeling of it though: the strong sense of melancholy at being ignored, the heavy feeling in his stomach, the darting pain in his heart because he wasn't worth it-

hold on.

"...oh." the quiet word left daehwi's mouth as his eyes widened.

of course the feeling was easy to recall; it's exactly the symptoms he'd been dealing with these past months. the sharp sting...the sadness...the tears constantly threatening to leak...

...whenever he saw guanlin with jihoon.

"have you figured it out?" jinyoung's grip on his shoulder strengthened, his eyes full of sympathy, "your feelings for guanlin."

without realising it, daehwi's eyes began to water, immediately setting off panic in the older boy. as jinyoung pulled him into a warm embrace, daehwi began to sob on his shoulder, internal mental crisis taking over him.

"i like him hyung," he cried, not quite digesting his own words, "i like guanlin, even though he loves jihoon hyung!"

he liked guanlin? the words didn't register in his mind until after he said them. this whole thing felt surreal.

he liked guanlin. he liked him more than a friend should. he liked him the same way april liked andy, or mitch liked cam, or park bogum liked kim yoojung in moonlight drawn by clouds.

more importantly though, he liked guanlin the same way guanlin liked jihoon.

"it'll be ok hwi," jinyoung whispered, holding daehwi tight as his whole body racked with sobs, "it'll be ok." even though he was the one saying it, daehwi knew that jinyoung didn't believe his own words; how could he? this wasn't a typical situation at all.

what was he meant to do about this though? this wasn't his first experience with unrequited love, but usually his feelings would fade after some kind of mishap and they would go back to normal. with guanlin though, that didn't seem to be the case. he knew fully well that guanlin and jihoon had some kind of special connection ever since that one fansign...but the crush he had on guanlin hadn't disappeared. it only got worse.

was he just destined to stay in this unrequited love situation? daehwi didn't want to think like that, but that's what it was looking like right now.

daehwi's sobs increased before they finally stopped after a few minutes. really, he made a mental note to thank jinyoung because he'd probably ruined his hoodie with dampness and snot. said boy hesitantly pulled him away from him, using his sleeve to wipe away the remnants of daehwi's tears. an empty smile made its way to his lips as he patted the younger boy's head.

"at least we know what's causing it now?" jinyoung was trying to make him feel less shitty, though it wasn't working too well. instead, daehwi began to tear up at the thought of the pain continuing to follow him because, recently, guanlin had began seeking out jihoon a lot more. the sheer panic on jinyoung's face stopped him though, making him chuckle daintily. thankfully, jinyoung had began to laugh too, the atmosphere lightening somewhat.

as if on cue, the door had suddenly opened, revealing a clearly distressed jisung.

"you two, we're-" jisung looked back and forth between the two boys, and daehwi's tearsoaked face, "...going to practice now..."

without another word, jisung backed out awkwardly, leaving the duo to follow on after him.

daehwi violently dabbed at his eyes, not wanting everyone else to ask him why he looked so dead inside (because having to come clean about his crush wouldn't be the best thing for him), only stopping when jinyoung grabbed at his wrists.

"don't do that," he scolded, face mirroring minhyun's usual nagging expression, "i'll just tell everyone you're tired and they'll drop it."

as they left the room, daehwi was left believing that heaven had truly given him jinyoung as a guardian angel of some sort. the other boy was looking after him better than he looked after himself.

"this was how guanlin and i used to be." he thought to himself, clutching at jinyoung's hand and squeezing it tight.

used to be.

☼☼☼

it was shortly after this occurrence that daehwi liked to call "the point of no return."

this came about one late night in their dorm: jihoon, daniel and jisung had just returned from one of their schedules, the three of them looking ready for death. daehwi waved at a drowsy daniel, chortling at his hyung's response (a drawn out moan before stalking into his room.) jisung had given him an equally tired smile as he disappeared into his room. almost immediately, daehwi went back to his phone, listening to 'merry and happy' for the twentieth time.

inevitably, his phone began dying so of course, he'd gone in search of his charger. with a soft knock on the door to his room, he peeked his head round to find jinyoung fast asleep and sungwoon playing the entertainer on his phone.

"um, hyung?" sungwoon stopped his game, attention focused on daehwi, "do you know where i left my charger?"

"didn't you give it to seongwoo before?" he asked, going straight back to his game.

leaving sungwoon to play his cursed game and jinyoung to remain unconscious, daehwi left to peer his head around seongwoo's room. whilst he'd found that seongwoo wasn't there, daniel and jisung both seemed to be there still half awake.

since jisung looked to be drifting in and out of consciousness, he figured that daniel was his safest bet.

"niel hyung?" daniel lifted his head up, akin to a deer in the headlights when he was called, "where's seongwoo hyung?" mutedly, he was pointed in the direction of the one room he hadn't checked yet; daniel had fallen asleep before daehwi had the chance to thank him.

daehwi knocked on the door softly, the lingering feeling that something wrong was about to occur looming over him. a frustrated "just come in!" (which sounded suspiciously like jaehwan) came from within, prompting daehwi to enter.

the door opened, and almost immediately, he felt the urge to close it (slam it, even, but he held back.)

for there, in all his glory, guanlin was laying beside jihoon, talking about his day (the ups...and the downs) like he used to with _him._  jihoon was listening intently, making small comments and indulging in guanlin's happiness. in fact, neither of the duo even realised he was there.

the others did though.

"daehwi! what's up!" jaehwan had hollered, minhyun beside him mumbling at him to be quieter, "what brings you here?"

attention from the other four boys were now on him, leaving daehwi to stutter out the words "charger" , looking like a complete fool as he did so.

"oh, your charger!" seongwoo bounded over to daehwi, placing said charger in his hands, "thanks for letting me use it." he held the charger in his hands like his life depended on it, all the while attempting to ignore the pain growing in his heart. he was about to turn to leave, but he was stopped by the sudden call of his name.

"daehwi?" it was minhyun, donning a frown, "are you alright?" this time, everyone in the room heard him; guanlin and jihoon stopped their conversations to listen to what was going on. he didn't know how to respond now with all attention on him.

"i-i'm fine..." daehwi spluttered out, "i'm fine." repeating it didn't make it anymore true, but at least he sounded more certain the second time around. he knew that they didn't believe him but since nobody wanted to ask, daehwi took this as his chance to turn on his heels and leave the room; though, not without seeing woojin in the corner of his eye, eyes full of self-reproach.

he stormed out, mind swarming with the fact that he had officially lost guanlin (though, when did he ever have him in the first place?) and that he truly had no chance. jihoon was the one he liked. jihoon was probably infatuated with him too. to guanlin, daehwi wasn't the one he would tell stories to every night now. daehwi wasn't the one who would get to help him write letters home. daehwi wasn't the one who would get to help him practice dance late at night anymore. all of those things could be done easily by jihoon.

jihoon could do it all for him. so. much. better.

this time, he did slam the door shut.

☼☼☼

everyone had realised something was wrong between the maknaes, but they didn't want to confront the problem head on. instead, sungwoon had assured his other members in a hushed tone that they would sort it out between themselves eventually; if the fans didn't notice then it was fine.

because of that conversation, the other members began to skirt around the issue, looking away when daehwi and jinyoung would return from a long "conversation" , only offering up sad gazes of concern.

with all the skirting around the issue, daehwi realised, that someone was going to have to eventually break the silence. the odd atmosphere being too much to bear at certain times.

though, in saying that, daehwi certainly didn't expect that member to be jihoon.

it happened to abruptly as well: they were backstage after one of their fansigns, seongwoo was fiddling with one of the handbands he'd received, jisung was crying over one of his fansites buying a star in his name, and minhyun was going around, showing everyone his predebut photos. daehwi sat in the corner, sorting out his make-up and staying away from the fuss of his fellow members.

"daehwi!" he was pulled out of his actions by jihoon's call, the other boy already standing in front of him, "can we talk?"

"...sure?"

nothing.

"i mean in private." oh. jihoon and daehwi both left the room, allowing the other members to share knowing looks with each other as they did so. true to his word, jihoon really did lead the younger boy to a place of privacy; even the amount of staff members seemed to be nill.

"what is it?" of course daehwi knew what this was about, but was he going to show it? no.

"look," jihoon started, pushing his hair back in stress, "i'm... _we're_  worried about you daehwi."

"oh."

seeing that daehwi had nothing else to add, jihoon continued, clearly uncomfortable.

"i don't know what it is but you and guanlin aren't talking at all," daehwi wanted to leave, "we don't know how to help either of you since we don't know what's going on."

"what's going on is that i like guanlin but he's too busy giving you heart eyes 24/7 to notice me anymore." is what daehwi would've said, if he had the balls (and the courage to probably doom his career) instead, he opted to just shift uncomfortably on his heels, eyes rooted to the floor.

"...there is something going on, right?" jihoon had asked, voice unnaturally low.

"...i don't know." that probably wasn't the right answer.

"...you should talk to him," he commented, "guanlin, i mean." daehwi swore that jihoon had opened his mouth to say more, however his immediate change in decision made daehwi drop the thought entirely.

"i will." he wouldn't, and the look on his face told him that somehow, jihoon already knew.

there was another uneasy silence between them both before jihoon began to speak again.

"...daehwi," he started, all confidence he'd displayed earlier gone, "i really care about you and guanlin."

the statement was supposed to comfort him, but all it did was make the pang reveal itself. of course jihoon cared about guanlin; this was probably where he was going to tell daehwi that whilst he cared, guanlin was destined to be his instead.

"ok..." daehwi waited for the condescending comment to come from jihoon, for jihoon to tell him how he never had a chance, how he would never get to be as close to guanlin as he was before, how he was so much better-

the comment never came.

instead, jihoon took daehwi's hands in his and squeezed them tight. daehwi took his eyes from the floor to the other boy, immediately shrinking under his disquietude.

"i swear, i'll always be here to listen to you daehwi, we all will."

the youngest could only manage a meek nod at that, desperately wanting to run away from this.

"o-ok..."

"please talk to guanlin," the grip on his hands increased again, "you really need to."

and with that, jihoon released his hold on daehwi's hands and turned away, walking back to their dressing room; daehwi was left alone to think about what jihoon had said.

maybe, just maybe, jihoon hadn't realised.

maybe his words did hold some truth to them.

maybe...talking to guanlin was what he needed.

☼☼☼

did he talk to guanlin straight away? of course not.

in fact, overtime the will to try and clear everything up slowly faded; guanlin still continued to sleep beside jihoon pretty much every night, not bothering to attempt to talk to daehwi either.

if guanlin wasn't going to bother saying anything, then why should he?

though, that wasn't the real reason daehwi still refused to talk to the youngest. rather, the thought of being guanlin coldly rejecting him and revealing his love for jihoon scared him the most, especially the fact that if that happened, they could never go back to how they were before. it would be easier just to say nothing at all and not run the risk of fucking everything up worse.

everyone knew something was wrong though, and they didn't bother hiding it in their concerned gazes and prolonged looks between him and guanlin whenever they were in the same room. daehwi, for the most part, didn't let it phase him, choosing to ignore it and not even try looking over at the taiwanese boy, knowing his heart would be destined to experience that familiar ache once again.

the glaring tension had made itself fully present now though and whilst before, daehwi didn't exactly want to accept it, he knew that he and guanlin had completely drifted apart.

their interactions in fansigns were fake.

they didn't talk at the dorms.

they didn't talk at zero base with everyone else.

they didn't talk over phone.

they just didn't talk.

at. all.

he would be lying if he said he didn't miss guanlin terribly so: their late night talks, the stupid texts, the scrolling through spotify, through twitter and having to quiet their laughter so jinyoung wouldn't complain at them. everything they did, all the smiles that they shared, all the things that daehwi longed to do once again, all of those things were no longer his.

it had gone from daehwi and guanlin to jihoon and guanlin.

and daehwi, on his own. (that was how it felt sometimes, anyway.)

as daehwi began to drift off to sleep in their manager's car (because who else would be willing to drive them back after a long schedule?) he caught glimpses of their conversation, guanlin's laughter filling the entire car. jihoon had covered his mouth as well to stop his joy, but his sniggers had ended up resonating with the other boy's, almost perfectly.

resting his head on the member's shoulder next to him (which he later found to be daniel's), daehwi began to sleep.

"i miss you, guanlin." the last thought he had before falling asleep, head hidden in the soft fabric of daniel's coat.

☼☼☼

when their promotions for their recent comeback had ended, jisung and minhyun had somehow convinced their managers to treat them to dinner; everyone was surprised they pulled it off.

the night had gone well, daehwi sandwiched between an upbeat woojin and a slightly intoxicated seongwoo. for the first time in a while, daehwi's mind didn't drift off to guanlin or his painful crush. he was having fun. in the process, he'd even managed to show a legitimate proud smile, happy to see the concern on woojin's features leaving him for once.

of course, when the time came, the minors had to leave. it was only him, jinyoung and guanlin, all alone to walk back to their dorm. really, he hadn't thought about it much until sungwoon had brought it up.

"so, you kids ready to walk back?" he hollered, bright grin on his face (whether it was the pride of being of age or his fifth glass of champagne, he wasn't quite sure) with the other members laughter dying down somewhat at realisation. even now, daehwi and guanlin refused to meet eyes, leaving the other members to shoot each other "the look" which daehwi had been seeing more often than not.

"we'll be fine, i'm in charge after all." jinyoung spoke up, fake positivity as the table dissolved into forced laughter.

after assuring jisung several times that _they would be fine!_  and that _jinyoung wouldn't let us get lost!_  , the three youngest members left the restaurant.

nobody said a word on the way back.

not even jinyoung wanted to speak up this time, allowing daehwi to walk in front and guanlin in the back.

they returned to their dorm around 11:45pm, with guanlin immediately heading off to his room without another word. daehwi was left with jinyoung, to stand around blankly.

"ah, shit," jinyoung's sudden worry caught daehwi's attention, "i forgot to get aspirin for the others..." he muttered an almost inaudible "they're gonna need it" before frantically checking the time.

"you still have time hyung." daehwi pointed at the clock, feeling almost proud at his help. almost as quickly as he took them off, jinyoung put his shoes and coat back on, preparing to leave again.

"right, i'm gonna run to the pharmacy quickly," he stated, one leg already out the door, "i won't be long!"

the door shut closed with a bang.

now it was just him and guanlin.

 **alone**.

daehwi thought back on what jihoon had told him about talking to guanlin once and for all, to finally clear everything up. he was almost certain that the other members had suggested for guanlin to do the same thing, whilst he was busy elsewhere. they were all tired of avoiding the issue at hand, he presumed, and would only be a matter of time before their managers got involved.

it was only them here, nobody else would be witness to his embarrassment until they all returned...

maybe this was his chance.

not thinking too clearly, daehwi barged into the room guanlin resided in; the other boy was busy reading some kind of book, clearly surprised to see daehwi.

"lai guanlin, we need to talk." good start daehwi.

said boy put his book down, waiting for daehwi to continue. really, he should've planned this whole conversation out more, for he had no idea as to what to say next. guanlin's impatient look grew, gaze clearly devoid of anything friendly as he took the initiative to talk.

"about?"

"...i'm sorry."

a beat of silence.

daehwi's heart was racing fast, but for all the wrong reasons.

"that's it?" impatience had been replaced with frustration (and probably anger) as guanlin stood up. daehwi opened his mouth to speak but was stopped instantly by guanlin.

"do you just not care about anyone but yourself anymore?" he hissed, voice colder than daehwi had ever heard it, "we've all been so worried... _i've_  been so worried about you!"

"that's not it!" daehwi bit back, something akin to anger bubbling up in him, "you don't understand at all what's been happening with me!"

"of course i don't, none of us do!" guanlin ran his hand through his hair, before responding with a bitter, "apart from jinyoung, after all."

that set him off.

"why are you getting pissed at me?" he yelled, all the spite and jealousy he'd been harbouring all this time coming through, "you're the one who decided to devote himself to jihoon all of a sudden!"

guanlin glared at him, "so you ignoring everyone is suddenly my fault now?"

"you've been ignoring me too, hypocrite!"

"what do you want me to say daehwi!?" he'd never heard guanlin shout that loudly before, but he still refused to back down, "that we're both in the wrong? all i did was treat you the same way you've been treating me!"

"i haven't done anything like that to you!" that was a lie, clearly, "you didn't even try to talk to me anyway! you just went straight to jihoon hyung and ignored me completely!"

it was then, he liked to think, they truly reached the point of no return. what happened next...daehwi didn't like to recall it.

"i had nothing to lose!" guanlin clamoured, more pissed of than ever.

"so, what about me?!" daehwi had said it without thinking about it, not expecting guanlin to take it on board or even respond to it.

"you can't lose what you never fucking had, daehwi!" he spat, going back to his phone to cool down.

daehwi was left standing there momentarily, taking in guanlin's words. he was right, daehwi was never his.

he was never daehwi's.

never.

he was an idiot.

his vision began to cloud with tears as daehwi stormed out of the room, charging into his and slamming the door shut. it was there, he began to sob. he hadn't meant to get mad at guanlin, or shout at him like that. it was just...he knew this was all his fault, the emotional constipation, the ignoring the issue... but for guanlin to turn around and say he hadn't done anything? it set something off in him, something that should've stayed hidden.

was it jealousy?

was it rage?

... perhaps it was envy, for the fact that guanlin would never...could never be his was more than he wanted to accept. after that argument, the other boy wouldn't even want to look in his general direction, let alone return his feelings.

still though, daehwi couldn't help but feel sick at the thought of guanlin going off with jihoon again, this time certainly hating him.

he still liked lai guanlin.

and now, lai guanlin hated him.

the teardrops wouldn't stop, no matter how much he tried to repress them.

this, of course, brings us back to the start of the story.

2:05am, jinyoung had arrived back ages ago, only to fall asleep as soon as he hit head hit the cushions, completely oblivious to daehwi and guanlin's argument, or daehwi's current emotional state.

the other members weren't back from the restaurant yet, though daehwi was thankful for that. nobody would be witness to his tearsoaked face and the fact that he had been the one who fucked up everything with guanlin.

if he hasn't caught these feelings in the first place...

daehwi stopped that train of thought as quickly as it had appeared, knowing that wouldn't change anything. he didn't need even more reason to cry. instead, he needed someone beside him, someone to wipe away the tears and talk him into clearing things up properly.

hesitantly, daehwi picked up his phone.

☼☼☼

_daehwi to: woojin. [2:09am]_

**daehwi** : hyung  
**daehwi** : please answer

 **woojin** : hey im here  
**woojin** : the others r pretty much wasted lmao  
**woojin** : hows it bck there?

 **daehwi** : awful  
**daehwi** : please come back

 **woojin** : ok  
**woojin** : ill try and get evryone to leave now  
**woojin** : u ok?

 **daehwi** : no  
**daehwi** : i fucked everything up hyung  
**daehwi** : i just need someone else

 **woojin** : ill be there  
**woojin** : hang in there hwi  
**woojin** : promise me that

 **daehwi** :  
**daehwi** : i promise

 **woojin** : ok  
**woojin** : c u soon, kk?

 **daehwi** : ok  
**daehwi** : thank you woojin

 **woojin** : :)

☼☼☼

daehwi wasn't sure what time everyone else arrived back at, nor did he care; he had preoccupied himself by covering himself with all the spare blankets and attempting to calm down the flow of tears. he didn't hear the door open, or the sounds of his other members parading in; instead, he was alerted to their arrival back by the sudden presence of a person, lying beside him and pulling him into a tight hug.

"it's ok, hyung's here now." woojin whispered, covering himself and daehwi with the blanket once again. almost instantly, daehwi had began sobbing again, reminding himself in the morning to apologize in the morning for the excess tears (and snot, probably) on the other's shirt. no more words were exchanged as woojin let him cry it out.

they stayed like that, until daehwi eventually fell asleep in the arms of woojin.

☼☼☼

when the morning hit, daehwi had woken up to the immense feeling of regret in his gut; all the things he and guanlin said to each other filling his mind again, the awful stuff he knew that he didn't mean personally, he remembered it all.

"hey..." woojin was still lying next to him, eyes half open. seeing that the younger member was still awake, he sat up slowly, promoting daehwi to do the same. immediately, he realised that jinyoung and sungwoon weren't in the room (though, he vaguely recalled jinyoung falling asleep somewhere else anyway...), it was just them both. woojin yawned and cleared his throat.

they were going to have to talk now, he realised.

"so," woojin started, gaze too serious for someone who had only just woken up, "can you tell me what's been going on?"

he'd been looking anywhere but at woojin, but when he'd said that, daehwi was forced to see the true worry, concern and (perhaps) regret the other was laying bare.

almost instantly, he'd began spilling out everything.

"i have a crush on guanlin," woojin's expression didn't change, "but he likes jihoon." that caused the other to raise his eyebrows slightly, but he didn't comment on it.

"is that why you were crying yesterday?"

"kind of...we argued." daehwi pulled his legs to his chest, hugging them tightly as if to protect himself from the thoughts of the argument.

"...why did you argue?"

why did they argue again? daehwi wasn't too sure himself.

"...i think it's because of us ignoring each other..." that was what he recalled them shouting at each other about anyway, "i got really angry and so did he..."

a pause.

"...and then?"

"...he told me he had nothing to lose by ignoring me," daehwi took a breath in, "so i reminded him about me, and then..."

remembering it clearly now, he had to blink aggressively to stop anymore tears flowing. sensing this, woojin used his shirt sleeve to wipe daehwi's eyes.

"hwi-"

"i'm fine, just let me..." taking in another deep breath, daehwi finished his account of the argument, "guanlin told me that he couldn't lose what he never had."

"oh." woojin sighed softly, trying to think of the right way to phrase his thoughts.

"...i never stood a chance, hyung."

"does he know you like him?" woojin asked.

...well.

"...i thought it was obvious."

"i had no idea," he stated, "none of us knew, i doubt guanlin had...has any idea if you haven't told him."

"but he likes jihoon hyung anyway-"

"is that what he told you?"

daehwi bit the inside of his cheek; sure, guanlin hadn't said he liked jihoon that way, but it was heavily implied by him doing everything they used to do with jihoon...

though, woojin seemed to be adamant that he should've asked guanlin flat-out about it, rather than just assume. he would've brushed it off as woojin being the type that needs proper clarification in these kind of situations but the look on his face said otherwise...

he'd known park woojin long enough to know that expression of "i know something you don't" and he hated it.

"he's never said he likes jihoon hyung out loud but..." woojin's face stopped him from speaking, for the other boy was donning a humourless look. it was almost as if he wanted to say something more, but he couldn't find the words. instead, woojin let out another sigh (the 6th in their conversation, he noted) before speaking earnestly.

"you need to talk to him properly hwi," he knew it was coming, "trust me, this situation is an entire mess but...i think you've both misunderstood each other horribly."

oh?

woojin began to get up, wiping the drowsiness out of his eyes and leaving daehwi in the room alone; though, he didn't forget to add something before he left.

"just so you know," he smiled lazily, "guanlin doesn't, couldn't, hate you."

he flinched at that, remembering the fact that woojin knew him better that he knew himself sometimes; even if he hadn't mentioned being scared over guanlin's possible hatred, woojin had just knew. he appeared so certain about it too, with his air of confidence.

woojin wouldn't lie about something like that, even if it was just to make him feel better. that wasn't the "woojin way." (complete bluntness, if you were wondering.)

his worries had been calmed somewhat by that conversation, and the realisation that he'd been so stressed over his own assumptions. he didn't expect guanlin to like him back, or not like jihoon, but he knew that guanlin had never explicitly said that he liked jihoon...

that meant, he had to try.

even if it didn't work out how he wanted it too, daehwi needed an answer.

he needed them to go back to normal, whether it was as friends or something more.

☼☼☼

_jihoon to: guanlin. [8:19am.]_

**jihoon** : guanlin  
**jihoon** : guanlin  
**jihoon** : LAI GUANLIN  
**jihoon** : I SEE YOU ON YOUR PHONE

 **guanlin** : hi  
**guanlin** : sorry hyung ^^

 **jihoon** : shh don't be  
**jihoon** : you ok?

 **guanlin** : no

 **jihoon** : ah  
**jihoon** : about yesterday  
**jihoon** : you need to talk to daehwi  
**jihoon** : he's not doing any better than u in dealing w this  
**jihoon** : according to woojin, this whole thing is a grave misunderstanding  
**jihoon** : like...converse  
**jihoon** : solve the misunderstanding

 **guanlin** : but he hates me now

 **jihoon** : no!! he!!! doesn't!!!!!  
**jihoon** : honestly, plz talk it out  
**jihoon** : no shouting, just explain  
**jihoon** : most likely, he feels the same as you rn

 **guanlin** : do you rlly think so

 **jihoon** : i know so  
**jihoon** : ok??

 **guanlin** : ok  
**guanlin** : ill speak to him later

 **jihoon** : that's my boi!  
**jihoon** : if you ever need to talk, ur best hyung ( _me_ ) will always be here ok?

 **guanlin** : ok  
**guanlin** : thx jihoon hyung ^^

 **jihoon** : np!

☼☼☼

the time had finally come, daehwi thought, swallowing down his fear and heading to the room guanlin was hopefully in.

after everything that had happened (the argument and his conversation with woojin) he'd decided to bite the bullet and tell guanlin exactly how he felt, explaining everything he had done over the course of the months and apologizing for all of it. the worst that could happen is guanlin reject him, which he had honestly prepared himself for already.

he could do this.

taking a deep breath, daehwi knocked on the door, opening it before he could receive an answer.

"guanlin, can we talk?" all attention in the room shifted to daehwi, with said boy's expression being just as shocked as everyone else. guanlin put down his phone, nodding meekly at the sudden question. with all eyes still on him, guanlin followed daehwi out of the room and into the living room, away from everyone else.

"so..." daehwi drew out, previous confidence seeming to have left him already.

"...i'm sorry." guanlin mumbled out, not doing any better. they were both at a loss for words.

"so am i, for before..." the older of the two finally got out, "i should really explain myself."

"o-ok," guanlin sighed softly, "i should too, probably."

both waited in awkward silence for the other to start speaking again, until daehwi broke the silence.

"i was jealous," he started off, "since you and jihoon hyung have been getting on so well recently..."

guanlin's blank look prompted him to continue.

"you started doing the things we did with him instead," unconsciously, his eyes darted to the ground, "it hurt to see... genuinely, my heart would ache every time you two did that kind of stuff."

"...oh."

"i stayed away from you because it upset me too much to be around you after that," daehwi spluttered out, "i know you like jihoon hyung now and all but i still wanted to be close to you like before..."

"..."

"i'm sorry for acting so irresponsibly though," it was now or never, daehwi thought to himself, "but i think i need to tell you what's really been troubling me lately...

...i like you, guanlin."

there it is.

guanlin's shock was almost laughable, daehwi thought, though the humour had evaporated as soon as he'd realised that this was it, he couldn't hide anymore. he readied himself for guanlin's confession of love for jihoon.

it never came.

"...you're joking, right?"

"huh?" not exactly the response he'd been expecting.

"jihoon hyung told you how i feel, didn't he?" the younger of the two stepped back slightly, in an act of insecurity, "...i know you like jinyoung hyung, you don't have to do this to make me feel better..."

...

"huh????" again, definitely not the response he'd been expecting from guanlin.

"i really like you daehwi, but i know you have something with jinyoung hyung..." he paused briefly, biting back the urge to bolt, "you don't have to do this."

"you think i like jinyoung?" daehwi asked, receiving a sheepish nod from the other, "bae jinyoung? the boy from C9?"

"...yes?"

daehwi couldn't help bursting into laughter at that; just the thought of him having feelings for jinyoung amused him. he couldn't imagine both of them dating, for the sure reason that one of them would end up found dead in a ditch due to the other. (judging by his short temper with jinyoung, he already knew it would be the older boy.)

"of course i don't like jinyoung hyung that way, he's been trying to help me talk to you all this time!" guanlin relaxed a bit at that, making daehwi realise he was having the exact same problem, "i thought you were dating jihoon hyung?"

it was guanlin's turn to laugh now, tears filling his eyes as he spoke.

"jihoon hyung's been trying to help me too!" he chortled, atmosphere much lighter now, "me and him are just friends, silly!"

both of them laughed with each other for a while, talking about how outrageous it would be for them to go out with the other (with daehwi's aforementioned thought of jinyoung probably not surviving it, and jihoon's dual personalities stressing poor guanlin out) before they both realised that they should really be focusing on the issue at hand.

"so...you like me too?" guanlin started off, shyness returning.

"i do, a lot."

"...what does this mean then?"

daehwi snorted, "well, we both like each other..."

"yeah..." guanlin really wasn't willing to be the one to pop the question.

"i guess there's only one solution then..." he grinned, taking guanlin's hands in his, "will you be my boyfriend, lai guanlin?" in response, guanlin squeezed at daehwi's hands, embarrassed smile pulling at the other boy's heart.

"of course, lee daehwi."

as both of them pulled each other into a hug, the doors to the bedrooms suddenly opened; the other members all coming out and cheering in unison. they were congratulated, with seongwoo and woojin mock crying.

"fucking finally, the tension was killing us!" jaehwan grumbled, patting the two maknaes on the back.

finally indeed.

☼☼☼

the time was 2:05am. small, stifled giggles could be heard from the wanna one dormitory. there were 11 of them there, but the laughter was all that could be heard, due to everyone else being asleep.

from the three person room, the failed concealed giggles had come from under one of the duvets, two boys busy under it, scrolling through social media together, all the while, hands held.

"lee daehwi and lai guanlin, go to sleep, i've had e-fucking-nough!" sungwoon whisper-shouted from his bunk, getting even louder laughter in response. the source of the sound, revealed to be the two in question, whispered out quick apologies before going back under the duvet, hands still held firmly together.

the light from the phones allowed them to still see each other in the darkness, meaning daehwi was able to see the bright grin guanlin was giving him. he reciprocated the smile, leaning into the younger's shoulder and resting his head on it.

everything had been going so well before, he thought to himself.

and now, everything was getting even better.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!
> 
> to clarify - jihoon's been giving guanlin advice since the start, since even before, guanlin assumed that deephwi was a thing. that's why he started hanging out w jihoon much more often in the beginning ^^
> 
> ps. i love panwink and deephwi too; sorry it was probably portrayed in such a bad light in this fic


End file.
